Oral Fixation
by Aka Pine
Summary: Why DOES Sanji always have a lollipop in his mouth nowadays? Rated for Marimo and Ero Cook talk.


_My thoughts on why the hell Sanji would EVER have a lollipop in his mouth, 4kids or not. Enjoy and review please. _

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Zoro wasn't usually one to complain. He took everything life seemed to throw at him with a grain of salt. He had dealt with pirates, he had dealt with Marines, and he had dealt with Nami. He had been able to shake off Sanji's kicks, Mihawk's wounds, and had dealt with a clingy Luffy.

However, while Sanji barring him from the kitchen wouldn't normally bother him, it was the fact that EVERYONE (except the ladies, naturally) were barred from the kitchen until further notice.

Which meant Luffy couldn't eat.

Which meant Luffy would whine. And cry. And use that puppy dog look that the swordsman was secretly afraid of because it ALWAYS worked on him.

Which meant he wouldn't be able to sleep, or work out, or meditate because Luffy would be bemoaning the fact that Sanji wasn't letting him eat.

With the prospect of Luffy howling all day and night, Zoro tightened his grip on one of his sword hilts, walked past Usop, Chopper, and Luffy, and kicked the door open to the kitchen.

"Oi, why aren't we allowed in here?"

He easily ducked as Sanji sent a roundhouse kick at him, and his sheathed sword blocked Sanji's next attack.

"YOU TOOK IT, DIDN'T YOU SHITTY SWORDSMAN??!!"

Zoro was used to Sanji, the ero cook, making weird faces all the time. He got a funny look on his face whenever Zoro entered the room, he got hearts in his eye when pretty women were around, and the cook would make faces (usually the one Zoro enjoyed the most) whenever the swordsman would not set down the dishes he had just dried carefully enough or in the right spots.

Yet this face was alien, strange and new to him.

Sanji's visible eye was wide and burning, and his curly eyebrow had shot up into his hairline. He was sweating for some reason, and now that Zoro had a second to notice, the cook's hands were shaking.

Wow. New record. He hadn't even said anything offensive this time to warrant an attack.

Curious, he answered the crazed chef.

"Took what?"

"YOU KNOW FUCKING WELL WHAT!!!"

Another kick, this one sloppy, flew towards Zoro's kneecap.

Sighing, Zoro did the only thing he could think of to catch Sanji off guard.

He stepped aside to avoid the kick, and pressed towards the cook, not stopping until Sanji was forced back against the counter, and Zoro was inches from Sanji's face.

Whatever chatter between the two women had stopped, but Zoro ignored them.

He waited a moment, watching in slight amusement as Sanji's eye widened, and his mouth opened in shock.

Taking his cue, Zoro tilted his head at just the right way...

And slammed his forehead against Sanji's.

The cook fell with a curse, hands flying to cover where Zoro had bonked him. "ASSHOLE! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"To get ya to stop fightin'," Zoro shrugged. "Now tell me what's going on."

"You took it," Sanji growled, shivering now on the floor, though from what, Zoro was not sure because they had just left arrived into Summer waters and-

"YOU TOOK MY LOLIPOP YOU BASTARD!"

…Oh. That thing.

Wait. They had been barred from eating because of a piece of candy?!

"I took it because I've been noticing you've been slobbering on those things for the last few days now, and I wanted to know why," Zoro stated simply. "I surmised after thorough examination that you must like it because of the center being a tootsie roll."

"...Did Zoro just sound like Chopper?" Nami whispered loudly to Robin, who nodded solemnly.

Shit. He REALLY needed to stop hanging around Chopper so much. Damn cute blue nosed reindeer was going to kill his reputation.

Sanji was still on the floor, eye wide at Zoro's confession...or use of big words.

He got up slowly, and motioning Zoro to follow him with a shaky finger, headed out the door.

He was immediately set upon by Luffy, who dived towards him, mouth open wide.

"Saaaaaaaaaaaaaanji! Can we eat can we eat can we ea-"

"Go on in," Sanji said, nonchalantly kicking Luffy as he sailed by, sending his straw-hat captain crashing into the kitchen. "Clean up before I get back in there or no meat for a week."

Ignoring the captain's protest, Sanji walked to the edge of the deck, and looked out over the waves.

Zoro took up a spot next to him, not looking at the chef or saying anything. He'd talk, when he was ready.

"...I had it so I could quit smoking."

Ah.

"Wouldn't medicine or...something...be better?"

Sanji shifted. "Maybe. But...I think it's more than just the nicotine."

"Oh?"

The chef nodded. The swordsman didn't push him. While the shitty chef annoyed the hell out of him, he had a healthy amount of respect for him, and as he was a crew mate and he was unofficial first mate...well, he wasn't a damn shrink, but it seemed like the natural thing to do to offer his ear without criticism.

Well, not TOO much, anyway.

"Gotta have something in your mouth all the time, huh?"

Sanji blinked at the swordsman. "Wha-"

Zoro offered him a slight grin. "You think you're the only one on this ship that has an oral fixation?"

"You-?"

Zoro chuckled and offered his demonic grin. "The other pirates and the Marines are terrified of my three swords. If only they knew the reason why I have one in my mouth all the time, my rep would be ruined."

"I thought it was because you believed three swords were better than two or one?"

"That too."

"So why ya telling me?" Sanji asked, giving the marimo a shrewd look.

Zoro shrugged. "Because we're the same."

Nothing more, nothing less.

Sanji let out a loud sigh, rubbing his head against his temple. "So...do I get my lolipop back or what?"

"Nope."

"YOU ASSHOLE!!!"

"Oi, I'm saving your reputation. You know you'd be laughed out of the Grand Line if you keep sucking on those things. Even though they smell nasty, at least those nicotine sticks are manly."

"And having three earrings in one ear AND holding a sword in your mouth is manly too?"

"Don't diss the 'rings or the sword in my mouth. Might look odd, but it'll be the last thing you'll see before you leave this world."

"Shitty swordsman."

"Idiot cook."

"Go eat."

"Not until you go smoke."

"Fine."

"Fine."

And so, relative peace was restored aboard the ship. The mystery of Sanji's lollipop (and missing cigarettes) was solved, the captain was able to eat his meat, and Robin and Nami had a Zoro and Sanji moment to talk about back in their rooms, giggling until the wee hours of the morning.

Sanji never had a lollipop in his mouth from then on, and whenever he could, Zoro would offer them to the cook. Why? Because the ensuing fights were always fun and because he wanted to make sure the shitty cook never picked up another lollipop again.

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**Two weeks later...**

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"OI!!! WHO THE HELL TOOK MY CIGARETTES??!!"

"Cheh heh."


End file.
